Phil Kessel: The Modern Day Jesus

September 18th, 2009 is a day that will go down in history. This, as you all should know, is the day that Phil Kessel was traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs. Many people said from the start that Burkie overpaid for Phil when he gave up two firsts and a second for him. This argument makes zero sense to me as I fail to see how that is an overpayment for the modern day Jesus. This statement may upset some people, but the comparisons are uncanny:

• For starters, they are both human, although the jury is still out there on Kessel
• As we all know, Jesus' Earth father was named Joseph, Phil's middle name is Joseph
• Jesus was brought to us by God, Phil Kessel was brought to us by Brian Burke who is a God in his own rights
• Jesus sacrificed himself for the greater good of his people, Phil Kessel sacrificed his testicles for the greater good of... well himself
• After Jesus sacrificed himself he resurrected himself, known as his second coming. Phil Kessel is having a second coming of his own with his second NHL team
• Jesus came to save the sinners of the world. Kessel came to save the greatest franchise in sports, the Toronto Maple Leafs
• Jesus will take his followers to Heaven. Kessel will take his followers to the Stanley Cup, which is most definitely the heaven of the hockey world.
• Jesus once walked on water. Kessel walks on water daily.
• Jesus was known to preform many miracles. Kessel has made Matt Stajan productive, that is a miracle in it's own
• Jesus brought Lazarus back from the dead. Phil Kessel has brought the hopes of the Maple Leafs faithful back from the dead.
• Jesus received worship from demons, men, angels, disciples, etc. Phil Kessel receives worship from his own demons(opposing players), men, angels(women), and disciples(teammates).
• People go to church to worship Jesus. People go to the ACC to worship Kessel

There you have it. It is undeniable that Phil Kessel is the modern day Jesus. So, seeing as his date of birth is October 2nd, 1987 that marks the end of the AC era and the beginning of the PK era. We are now in year 22PK.